/MaryJanice Davidsonshelf | Undead and Unwed

So technically I didn’t finish this book, but any more time I spent reading it would have been wasted, so I thought it better just to stop while I was ahead.

I first saw this series on Amazon, when I was looking for something other than the Anita Blake novels. The summary was definitely eyebrow raising, but I wasn’t “oh my god I have to read this” intrigued, like I often get when I peruse amazon. So when I saw it at the library on the 10th, I picked it up and started reading. The beginning was decent and kept me hooked for a bit (which is why it gets 1 stars instead of 0. Wait. You can’t give a book zero stars.)

After the fourth chapter, I got pretty sick of the heroine, Besty. First, she’s constantly complaining about her full name, Elizabeth Taylor. Second, she comments Eeeeeeew every five paragraphs. Then there’s the complete overuse of parenthesis throughout the entire book. Oh, and did I mention the badly written voyeur sex scene with her making completely idiotic comments? Well, not aloud, but it’s told from first person, and everyone knows how annoying that is. That brings me to another point, since Anita Blake, why has all vampire novels with modern integration turned out to be first person? I’m pretty sure Hamilton was a first (can’t say much about her current personality, but hey, I’m going on a tangent).

The grammar is really, really bad. It’s just…horrendous. I mentioned the parenthesis, the dragged-out words, but just really.

It doesn’t stop at the writing - the characters are some of the most annoying, badly crafted ones that exist in the literary world. Let’s start off with the heroine, Betsy. She like designer shoes. A lot. She’s blond, and acts that way a lot of times. Now, mix that in with being a model (and hating it), a dead-end secretary who practically runs the company she works for, and a “supposedly” wittily sarcastic lead. It doesn’t work. Sometimes she’s a complete bimbo, and the next instant she’s way too smart. It’s like the author tried to mesh Bridget Jones with Artemis Fowl’s Holly Short or something like that. It makes for a really bad read. And of course, when she turns into a vampire, none of the rules apply to her. She says so as much in her own words. It’s just completely insane. All the [straight] males fall head over heels for her to drink their blood, which she’s disgusted/fine with, et cetera. Besty - it’s established - is the ultimate Mary Sue of chick-lit meet horror. Emphasis on horror.

Then there’s the best friend whose a gazillionaire, black, hates all white people except for the heroine, was sexually abused (almost) as a tween by her smarter-than-Bill-Gates father, ignored by her ex-Vegas Showgirl mother, than left to inherit it all when her parents drive into a tree. Riiight. Oh, did I mention she’s gives tons to charities? The other side kick, Marc, is a genius of a supersurgeon with mood swings that could have knocked out your front teeth. She stopped him from jumping off a tall building. He’s 27 and he’s gay and there’s an entire scene where he unrealistically drools over Sinclair, the hero.

You do not want me to get into Sinclair. Argh. She’s hates him, watches him have sex with 3 women, sleeps with him, then hates him some more. Of course, he’s adored by all his groupies and is the ultimate in Vampires. Note the caps.

So bad characters, bad writing, what else? It’s a comedy, so naturally, humor. Very bad humor. It’s over the top and completely exaggerated. Her shoe obsession, though fun at first, gets so damn old. The book starts, ends, and overflows with designer Pradas and Jimmy Choos. I mentioned the ‘ew’ already, and her comments really don’t work.

Light reading? Noooo. It’s too annoying for that. Recommendation? Yeah, right.